Last winter 2012 I had experienced a burnout from being way to overworked. But on the spiritual side I was journaling feverish everyday, multiple times a day. It was the only way for me to be refreshed and stay connected to the Lord. But slowly over a few days I felt I had nothing more to give to God either in my journaling time. I was THAT exhausted. So I told Him...
"God I feel so empty. There is nothing left to give out, not even in prayer. I know that is fine with you. I feel like we are sitting silent next to each other. Do you care that we are silent? Don't you have anything you want to talk about? Anything deep you want to discuss?"
He responded gently, yet to my surprise: "NOT YET, I AM HAPPY HERE, SILENTLY SITTING NEXT TO YOU AND I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY TOO. I LOVE YOUR COMPANY AND I DON'T MIND US BEING SILENT. THIS IS LOVE ALSO. I LOVE YOU WITOUT WORDS EVEN. I SIMPLY LOVE YOU AND I WANT YOU TO SIMPLY LOVE ME. NO WORDS OR DISCUSSIONS ARE NECESSARY TO EXPRESS OUR LOVE. REMAIN IN ME. I AM SILENT FOR A SEASON. BE OK WITH IT".
At that point I felt tears filling my eyes because I felt like He was not wanting to talk to me like we have so intimately for so long. I said: "I didn't know you don't mind being silent. I had a great run with you journaling and I thought that is what you would want daily of me. I realize there is no condemnation in being silent towards you, but it is a shock that you actually want us to be silent. That you don't mind it. That you actually want us to just be silent for a season. Can we discuss being silent then? I guess then we wouldn't be silent. This is weird".
I felt He was smiling and felt He said: "I AM NOT GIVING YOU THE SILENT TREATMENT. THIS IS NOT PUNISHMENT. THIS IS REFRESHING. YOU CAN RELAX. I AM YOUR GOD AND I LOVE YOU. WE LOVE EACH OTHER IN SILENCE. YOU CAN HAVE PEACE IN SILENCE BECAUSE YOU KNOW I HAVEN'T LEFT YOU. ENJOY THIS SEASON OF SILENCE. I LOVE YOU THROUGH IT".
And so followed weeks and months, where, even if I tried...His words didn't come. I could only read the Bible, write out my own prayers if I felt like writing, but no response. No dreams, no visions. It really felt empty. It was not fun at all, but eventually I got used to the silence knowing He'd come back... so I waited... The picture below expressed very well what that season felt like. It lasted 11 monhts!! Yes, it's been a year and He started speaking again... and I was delighted again.
Food for thought: They say distance makes the heart grow fonder... I experienced this first hand as my husband and I dated each other overseas for 3 years until we got married. Wow! That was crazy. How much do you long for someone you love and is far away? I believe sometimes God hides Himself so our passion for Him can grow even deeper. What is your take on this? Would you please share in the comment box and possibly add any Scripture references that you were reminded of as you read what I sensed the Lord saying to me that day?
picture: view from my front door looking into the street.
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